Missing
by True Rayanne Adaire
Summary: Ian's gone. Mickey isn't doing so good.
1. Missing

_Author's Note: Here's another Gallavich one-shot. I'm not too sure where these ideas keep coming from but I certainly like them. :D This particular idea is one I'm not sure of the timeline on. I know Ian's gone somewhere and I know Mickey isn't with him…but I don't know where Ian is at the moment or why Mickey isn't with him. There isn't a lot of dialogue in this because it's mainly just Mickey's thoughts. I may continue this…I may not. Let me know if you'd like to see more of this and I'll think about making it a two-shot. Anyways, I hope you enjoy and remember to review. _

_True Rayanne Adaire_

**Summary: Ian's gone and Mickey isn't doing too well.**

**Missing**

There's a picture of you in my bathroom, you know that? Once or twice I've tried to jack off to it…but I can't get it up. You know how fuckin' rare that is for me? I can't fuckin' get it up. Tried havin' sex with someone else and that didn't work too well either. Felt wrong. Like I was betraying you or some stupid shit like that. I can't jack off…can't fuck someone else. What can I do? You're gone but you're still fuckin' with my head. How is that even fuckin' possible? You're not even here and yet you're all I fuckin' think about anymore. No matter what I do, who I fuck, where I go, you're there. You're always right fuckin' there and I can't do a damn thing about it. Did you know this was gonna happen when you left? Did you know you were gonna do this to me when you walked away from me? If you had maybe you woulda stayed. Maybe. With you it's always fuckin' maybe.

I've never missed anyone before but I miss you. I miss everything about you. The way you smell. The way your hands fit around mine when we're fucking. The way you hold me when we sleep. How you look at me like I'm the only thing in the fuckin' universe that matters. How you kiss me. Damn it, I miss you and I'm goin' fuckin' insane here Ian. Man you're doin' shit to me and you ain't even here. That's the whole fuckin' problem, though, ain't it? You ain't here and I'm too fuckin' cowardly to go after you. To say what needs to be said. I need to say it. Ian I fuckin' need to tell you somethin'. But I can't say it in words on a piece of paper. I need to see you. To watch your face as I say the words. But I can't because you're gone and I don't even know where the fuck you are.

I'm a lot angrier these days, you know. There ain't a mirror in my fuckin' bathroom anymore 'cause I punched it out. Couldn't stand the sight of my own fuckin' reflection. That person in the mirror…he's what made you leave. He's what made you walk away and I can't stand it. Can't fucking handle knowing that **I **did that shit. You left because I fuckin' made you and I'm sick of seeing him. So I punched the mirror one too many times. Fucked my fist up pretty bad. You woulda laughed. Probably tried to do some girly shit like kiss it. And I woulda snapped at you. You woulda laughed again.

I do that a lot. Think about what you'd do in a situation. Think about how you'd deal with it. What we'd do on a certain day. I think about everything too much these days. You'd be proud of me, I think. Using my brain for once. You'd laugh at me. And there I go again. Thinking. Always thinking about you. Never about the important things. Like when my old man's gonna come home and kick the crap outta me. Never things that matter. It's always about you. You. You fucked me up Ian. You fucked me up and I don't know what to do about it.

Sometimes I think you took a part of me with you when you left. You walked away with a huge part of me and I can't live without it. Without you. But you're not here. You aren't here. There's a knock at the door and I'm scared to answer it. Scared to move from this chair, from writing this letter. What if it's you? It sounds like your knock. Hesitant but confident at the same time. I'll have to answer it soon. Please. Please let it be you.

_AN: Was it Ian? I dunno! _


	2. Home

_AN: Hey guys. Here's the second part of 'Missing,' There will be more stories in this 'verse so be prepared for that. Anyways, I hope you like and remember to review._

_True Rayanne Adaire_

**Summary: Ian's coming home. Mickey doesn't know.**

**Home**

It's been two years since I've seen your face. Two years and yet I can still picture it in my head. Every time I close my eyes, I see it. I see you. I don't know why I left anymore, don't remember why I've stayed away. Was it your fault? Probably. Most things are. But it doesn't matter anymore because I'm coming home. Coming home for you because I can't do this anymore. There's an ache in my chest and it leads straight to you. Straight to the memories I feel every time I close my eyes. Memories of cigarette laced kisses and orgasms so fucking strong I can still fucking feel them. Memories of laughter and fights and everything that you, me, us. I don't know why I left…but I'm coming home for you.

Colorado's been nice. Quiet. I have friends here, you know. People that like me and want me to stay. But you're home and I don't belong here anymore. It's been two years and I need to be home. To sleep with you wrapped in my arms and to know nothing can tear us apart again. Sappy? Yeah, I know. You'd probably have some smart ass comment to say to me right now. And I can't wait until I can hear your stupid smart ass comment. I can't wait until I'm right in front of you and you're kissing me and talking shit and…Mickey? I miss you. I miss you right now so much and I'm still a mile away from your house. I hope you're there. I hope you answer the door and punch me in my stupid face. I'd deserve it for leaving you the way I did. I…I still don't know why I did that.

My thoughts are all over the fucking place. I'm standing at your door and my thoughts are fucking everywhere but I'm knocking now. And hoping you answer the door. Mandy answered it. But she shouted for you before she'd even really seen me. You're running for the door and my thoughts are fucking gone. I'm blank. All I can see is you. Your fist flying at my face. Your lips covering mine. Your body against mine. God I'm home. I'm home. Home. My face is buried against you and yours is buried against me and we're squeezing so tight we can barely breathe but it's okay. It's okay because I'm fucking home.


End file.
